


Mouse Madej

by SophiexHorayne



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Gen, That's it, basically shane is small, drug mention, including a cat as a character feels so funny but he's got a big role!, mouse madej, not important - Freeform, shane/sara is a thing but like, this is silly but hopefully somewhat funny, very small but its there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25184749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiexHorayne/pseuds/SophiexHorayne
Summary: “Where is he?” Ryan asks, puzzled. He looks so tall Shane thinks with a shudder. Sara raises her eyebrows and nods slightly over to the desk. Ryan looks over and his furrowed eyebrows shoot up in realisation. “Ho-ly shit… Shane! You actually did it!” He hurries across the room and kneels down in front of the theatre, “How?”“Well, there were these pills I found online and I thought, hey, what's the worst that could happen?”“'What’s the worst that could happen?' Shane, it’s a random set of pills!”*Shane takes some pills that are said to turn him small. The trouble is, he didn’t think they would actually work.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47





	Mouse Madej

The vibration of the phone makes Shane jump, literally. But his tiny two feet land back on the screen where he finds he is now standing on a very large picture of best friend Ryan Bergara.  _ Ryan’s calling him _ . He runs down to the bottom end of the phone and jumps onto the green button, only to remember that he needs to actually swipe the button to answer the phone. 

He groans, but drops down and attempts at pushing the screen with his tiny hands. It’s impossible to make the phone register it, because his hands are too tiny to apply enough force and heat. And by the time he thinks he’s caught the green light, it disappears all together, and the call flashes voice mail. 

_ Shane Madej can’t come to the phone right now _

The voice mail is loud and makes Shane jump and throw his hands over his puny little ears. But still he hears Ryan’s voice, booming.

“Uh. Hey Shane. Haven’t heard from you in a while now. You didn’t join our meeting earlier and even Sara said she’d not seen ya. Getting a little worried bud, if you’re trying to copy my are you scared bit, it’s not funny. Please contact someone as soon as possible. Okay, uh, bye.”

When it all goes quiet Shane sighs and sits down atop his phone screen. He rests his head in his hands and stares around the enormous room. He thought this would be a fun idea. But actually, he’s just lonely. Until, suddenly he makes out a shape, strutting across the room. He stands, excitedly, waves his arms and shouts down at the animal,

“Obi! Obi!” He doesn’t think the cat can hear him, thinks that shrinking quietens his voice, too, but the cat does catch his movement. It meows up at him, sitting pensively below the desk where Shane had (with difficulty) climbed to. “Obi, thank god.”

He kneels at the edge of the desk and pats the space beside him. “Come on then, come on, come up, come help.” 

Surprisingly (because usually Obi does not jump to where he is told to jump), the cat obliges and, agile, leaps up beside him. The cat curiously brings his head down to Shane and gives him a tentative sniff. 

“It’s me, Obi!” Shane says, reaching up and giving his cheek a rub, brushing back his whiskers. Apparently, the cat doesn’t approve of this, because he takes his paw and bats Shane off of him, sending the man down onto the desk with a thump. He groans. “Okay, I’m sorry, Obi, my bad, but please, let me just, grab your collar and I’ll just, pull myself up, and when Sara inevitably comes to see you, she’ll find me.” 

Why he felt for a moment, that being somewhat a similar size to Obi meant the cat could understand him, he doesn’t know, but all the animal does is bat at him again, and presses him into the wood, under his paw. The claw to the left of Shane’s body looks unnervingly large. He’s pinned down.

“Obi… come on man.” Shane half whispers, grimacing at the cat breath falling hot and smelly on his face, “It’s me! You know, that tall guy you sit on sometimes. Only now  _ I  _ can sit on  _ you _ , ain’t that fun? Obi?”

Shane is certain this is the end. Obi’s mouth moves closer and closer until it is all he can see. This is how he goes out, huh, eaten by his own cat, and now one will even notice. His death will never be solved. Well, put like that… in all fairness he  _ did  _ say he wanted that. But he thinks of Sara and Ryan, Steven, their new company. He’d really rather not die right now.

Obi’s mouth opens and his teeth are sharp, bright white and they glint in the light.  _ Hey  _ what a rhyme, not that he has time to make a note of it, keep it as a potential lyric for something. He’s about to  _ die, there's _ no need to save lyrics.

Something wet and rough brushes up his body and he squeezes his eyes shut and wrinkles his nose. He groans. Obi’s licking him. It’s kind of gross, but he can’t help but laugh as he gently pushes the cat away. “Alright buddy, alright, that’s enough.”

The cat releases him from under his paw, letting Shane stand. He wipes his face with his sleeve, although this serves little use, because his sleeves are just as wet as the rest of him. Then he scrambles up onto his cat, hoisting himself up on the animal’s collar. 

Unfortunately, Obi doesn’t warn him that he is going to jump, or say anything like _ brace yourself  _ or  _ hold on tight _ , before he jumps back down to the ground. Shane yells, hurriedly grabs at the cat’s collar, thankfully still lying, buried into cat fur, when Obi lands with a thump on the floor. It jolts Shane’s miniature body a bunch, and he’s inhaling far too much cat fur, but he is otherwise fine. He collects himself and sits up, holding onto Obi’s collar and feeling like he’s riding an oversized horse. Proportionately, even an elephant might be a too small comparison, he isn’t entirely sure, though. 

Obi skulks through the rooms. It all looks strange from this angle. Poor Obi, having to see the floor and the skirting boards and the feet of tables and chairs. Ground level view is simply  _ dull.  _

There’s a vibrating sound again, in the direction they’d just come from. Shane turns around and looks exasperatedly across the room at the desk, where he knows his phone is. Typical.

“Obi.” Shane hisses. The cat’s ear twitches but he continues to walk. Shane hopes to God he’s gone to find Sara. Before Obi gets this chance, Sara actually enters the room. Shane stares up at her, watches her head turn anxiously left and right. Then she notices the phone and hurries across the room to answer it, mindlessly stepping over Obi, who squeaks and follows her. 

“Hey Steven.” Sara answers. She sits down at Shane’s desk chair. “No, sorry, I really don’t know where he is. I didn’t hear him leave and it isn’t like him to just leave his phone like this.” 

Obi brushes against Sara’s leg and Shane makes a kind of  _ woah  _ exclamation as he wobbles and frantically regrips Obi’s collar. Obi meows, loudly.

“Sorry? Oh that was Obi.” Sara says and reaches down with barely a glance to rub the cat’s head. “Oh I’m sure he’d love to say hi to Simba.” she says with a slight laugh, “We’d rather say hi to Shane.”

God, Shane did  _ not  _ think this through. He should probably have mentioned that he was going to take the pills that had arrived through the post but in his defense he really didn’t think they would  _ actually  _ work. 

Sara strokes Obi’s head as she continues to speak, worriedly, to Steven, and moves her hand down to his neck. She pauses when her hand brushes over Shane, who at once holds his breath. Not really sure why he does hold his breath, partly fear or being squished, god is this how ants feel? Not that he’s quite that small? He doesn’t think so, anyway. 

Frowning, Sara pushes her fingers through Obi’s fur, pushing Shane a little across the cat’s back. Then, still not looking at the animal, she manages to pick Shane up between her fingers. She lifts him up, to see what she’s holding, and perhaps waving at her had been a bit too much, because Sara yelps, in shock, and promptly drops him on the floor.

“Sorry? Oh uh, everything’s fine, Steven, but I’ll have to call you back I just remembered- something.” And before Steven can reply she hangs up the phone, slams it onto the desk and bends at once down to the floor. “Oh my God,  _ Shane?  _ I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to drop you!”

Shane groans and tries to sit up. He landed on his ass but it didn’t prevent searing, painful damage. He’ll live, though, he thinks. “It’s okay, I’m sure I can imagine the fright.” He replies, still not entirely certain she can hear him. 

“Oh, here, come on.” She scoops him into her hand and lifts him up, setting him back down on the desk. She lowers her face down to his level. Her eyes are suddenly very large. “What did you  _ do _ ?!  _ Why are you little _ ?”

“I told you, I ordered those shrinking pill things!” 

“Well thanks for telling me they arrived.” Sara replies, “Where’s the reversal?” she at once begins to look around the room.

“Uh.” Shane looks around uncomfortably, scratches his long hair.

“ _ Shane _ .” Sara says, disdainful, “Don’t tell me…”

“I thought they were fake!” Shane argues, “It said ‘effects should wear off after a time’.”

“What time exactly?”

“No that’s all it said. A Time. Completely non specific.” Shane replies, Sara’s mouth very largely unamused, presses into a straight line. 

“So now what?”

“You tell Ryan and co that I’m okay?” he tries.

“By ‘co’ do you mean Steven?”

Shane frowns, “Yes?”

Sara rolls her eyes, a slight smile slipping back onto her face. “Poor Steven.” she says, but picks Shane’s phone back up. 

Suddenly, Obi launches up on the desk once more, making Shane scurry out the way to make room for him. 

“Obi no!” Sara shouts, panicked, “Don’t eat him, Obi, no, get down!”

Shane laughs, “He’s not gonna eat me. We’re friends!” he says, tickling the animal's chin as it chuffs back in his face. Sara watches them suspiciously.

“I don’t think this can get any weirder.”

“I have an idea!” Shane says. Sara looks up from the phone.

“For what?”

“For it to get weirder!”

About 20 minutes of confusing directing from Shane (I’m little, Sara, it all looks different at my angle!) a puppet theatre has been set up, and gleefully, Shane jumps off Sara’s hand and onto the stage. 

“I love it!” He says, “Now I know what the Professor sees.”

“He can’t see his eyes are fake.” Sara murmurs lightly, lifting, with great care, the theatre, and moving it onto the table. Shane gasps at Sara’s words and wobbles as the stage moves, but keeps on his feet when the theatre is placed safely back down. 

“Oh my god!” he says suddenly, “Idea! Avengers theory reenactment. God we gotta get Ryan here for this.”

Sara rolls her eyes, “Go on…”

“Okay, okay, so I’m Ant-Man...”

“Mmhmm.”

“And the Professor is Thanos...” he rolls his hand as though to make Sara finish the thought for herself.

“Oh God, no way.” She says, when it dawns on her, “I won’t let you disrespect the Professor like that.” She tells Shane, lifting the puppet right away from Shane’s reach.

Shane makes an offended sound followed by, “ _ Sara!” _

Then there’s a knock at the door. Shane’s eyes widen, but Sara smiles knowingly at him, and hurries to the door.

“You found him?” Ryan’s voice fills the apartment and Shane at once feels at ease.  _ God  _ Ryan’s reaction will be priceless. Sara’s hushed replies brush through the hallway and Shane waits for her to lead Ryan into the room.

“Where is he?” Ryan asks, puzzled. He looks so  _ tall  _ Shane thinks with a shudder. Sara raises her eyebrows and nods slightly over to the desk. Ryan looks over and his furrowed eyebrows shoot up in realisation. “ _ Ho-ly shit _ … Shane! You actually did it!” He hurries across the room and kneels down in front of the theatre, “ _ How? _ ”

“Well, there were these pills I found online and I thought, hey, what's the worst that could happen?”

“'What’s the worst that could happen?' Shane, it’s a random set of pills!”

“Yeah, that make you little!” Shane replies, gesturing to himself excitedly. Ryan’s face in front of him, all wide eyed and excited, is almost terrifyingly large.

Ryan wheezes, slightly, “Well now you have to believe in the supernatural right? I mean… this is  _ other wordly _ .”

“Ryan… what are you talking about, I took pills! Medicine? I don’t know where you’re from but  _ I  _ would call that science.” Shane replies.

“Well, I call it  _ fallen down a rabbit hole _ .” Ryan retorts, disappointed when little Shane only blinks in confusion, “It’s all very Alice In Wonderland, is what I’m saying.”

“Oh and that equals ghosts are real, does it?”

Ryan laughs a little, more in disbelief than anything else, “Not necessarily but I’m just saying! You’re smaller than your fucking puppets right now but you refuse to take the logical leap to the possibility that-”

“ _ Logical  _ leap? Oh Ryan, how is it that you’re so much bigger than me right now and your brain is still so tiny?”

“Hey!” Ryan says, “You’re not allowed to make small jokes ever again!” 

“Why not? Look at me!”

“Nope, you lost the privilege big guy- uh… little guy.” Ryan replies, “Remember all those jokes about me fitting in your pocket?”

“Oh no. Ryan... don’t…”

“Come on.” Ryan reaches his hand into the puppet theatre, and before Shane can leg it, Ryan carefully pinches him around the middle and lifts him up. Shane whines but his arguing goes ignored as Ryan lowers him into the pocket on the front of his shirt. 

Shane grumbles and rests his head in his hands, but it actually is objectively cool, sitting in Ryan Bergara’s pocket. Not because it’s Ryan, but because it’s a  _ pocket _ . He’s in someone’s pocket!

Ryan tips his body slightly, sending Shane rolling to the edge of the little area, but then Ryan stands straight again, having regained his phone from his trouser pocket.

“Ryan what are you doing? I’m not sure you should post this anywhere…”

“Huh? No, no I’m facetiming Steven.” Ryan replies, his voice rumbling, Shane can feel his voice through his chest, a dull kind of vibration, it’s rather odd. 

The phone shrills for a few beats until a face flashes up on the screen, “Ryan! Does the disappearance of Shane Madej still remain unsolved?” he asks, making Ryan roll his eyes. 

“Actually…” Ryan tilts the phone down towards his pocket, “Isn’t this unbelievable?” 

“Wait wait wait… Shane is in your pocket, no way…” 

Shane is waving frantically into the phone at Steven, who’s simply frowning.

“Okay, very clever how did you make that work over facetime?”

“Huh?” Ryan tilts the phone back onto his own face, rather unfortunately for Shanewho was enjoying the attention, “What are you talkin’ about this is real!” 

“Right, right. Very funny, but the moment I believe that, you’ll never let it go.” Steven answers, “So tell me, how’d you do it?”

“Steven I’m- I’m serious, this is not a bit right now.” Ryan argues, his voice high pitched (to a point that it totally sounds like a bit.)

“Ryan!” Shane says, jumping up, trying to get the man’s attention, “Let  _ me  _ talk to him.” 

“Well fine, I don’t know what you’re gonna say to him…” Ryan mutters, but obliges and turns the phone back to Shane.

“Steven! This is real!” Shane says, leaning forward in the pocket, “Ryan’s nipple is right like,  _ here _ . It's odd, frankly.” he says, gesturing behind him.

“Come on, dude, why would you point that out?” Ryan murmurs.

Steven still doesn’t look convinced. “Alright, you know what, I’m gonna go over there.  _ Not  _ to see tiny Shane for myself, but to in fact, discover your special effects team and stupid little green screen. Where are you, Shane’s place?”

“Yeah, we’re at Shane’s. The little guy’s place!”

This is met with disapproving objections, from both Steven and Shane.

By the time Steven’s arrived, Shane is sitting contently on a crumb scattered plate, nibbling a huge ritz cracker. Well, it’s an average sized cracker, but huge to Shane. It makes Steven stop in his tracks.

“...how are you  _ doing  _ this?” 

The plate is sat on Shane’s desk where the puppet theatre had been, and Steven bends down and squints at the tiny man. 

“He looks so real.”

“That’s because he  _ is  _ real.” Ryan says. 

“It’s true, he’s the reason I screamed on the phone, Steven, I pulled him out of Obi’s fur.” Sara explains.

“But  _ how _ ?” Gently, Steve moves his finger towards Shane and pokes him in the side.

“Hey!” Shane objects, “Trying to eat my dinner here!”

“How can we hear him? I mean he kind of sounds a little squeaky but-”

“ _ Squeaky _ ?!” Shane echoes, “Why did no one tell  _ me  _ that?!” 

“ _ Why did no one tell me that?!”  _ Ryan mimics in a high pitched voice, then proceeds to cackle while Shane frowns into his ritz cracker. 

“No one’s told me  _ how  _ this happened.” Steven reminds everyone, Obi suddenly appearing at his feet. Delighted, he begins to fuss the animal as Sara retells Shane’s story. 

“Look I didn’t  _ mean  _ to take them.”

“Oh no, was it a kids-at-a-party-tricked-me-into-taking-drugs scenario?” Ryan mocks. 

“Well,  _ no… _ ”

“Nevermind how it happened anymore… where is he going to sleep?” Sara says. Obi timingly meows, “He’s not sharing your bed, Obi, you’ll smother him.”

“He won’t!” Shane shouts back, although he’s not going to argue for sleeping in a cat bed, “I’ll just sleep where I usually do.” 

Ryan laughs.

“What?”

“I’m just- like fuckin’ Stuart little, what, you’re gonna have one giant bed for yourself and not even share with the cat?”

“Exactly!” Shane replies. He’s left half his cracker, his tiny stomach’s completely full, “I fail to see the problem here.”

“Shane, why don’t I make you a bed?” Steven suggests.

“Oh, no, Steven that’s very sweet but I couldn’t possibly.” Shane assures, standing up from the plate and brushing down his tiny clothes. “I’m sure there are a number of comfy places I can sleep.” 

“Wait, Shane can you hold this?” Ryan asks, handing him Shane’s own yellow pencil. Shane takes it, with some difficulty, and rests it on its end on the desk. Ryan laughs, “It’s taller than you!”

“Alright, very funny.” Shane says, standing back and letting the pencil clatter down to the desk, “You got your laugh. You know it  _ is  _ a shame we don’t own a doll’s house right about now.” 

“Nice try but I’m, not getting you one.” Sara says, returning to the room, “How about this for size?” She asks, holding a large match box down to Shane. Shane goes to take it but she sets it down on the desk and slides it open for him. “We can put some cloth in the bottom, some foam or something, like a mattress.” 

Shane clambers into the little box and lays down to test the size. “Hey, you know, this fits me better than my actual bed normally does!” 

“Quick, close it back up.” Ryan says, reaching hurriedly over the desk and sliding the matchbox closed, cackling at Shane’s yelps.

“Ryan! What if he suffocates!”Steve says.

“He’s not gonna suffocate, are ya little guy?” Ryan says, mouth close to the box. 

“Fuck you Ryan!” A squeaky, muffled voice shouts from inside. 

Ryan just laughs. 

When it  _ is  _ night time, Shane becomes abnormally tired. Steven and Ryan head home, and, rather eagerly, Shane heads to his new bed. It’s still on his desk. Sara offers to move it but he assures her he’ll be fine where he is. Steven and Sara helped to make up the match box with a comfortable padded makeshift mattress, and a tiny knitted blanket. He tucks himself in happily and settles down. It’s new, but it’s nice. Sara presses kissed fingers to Shane’s tiny body as a goodnight and turns off the light. Shane stares at the wall opposite him until his eyes droop. It doesn’t take too long to fall asleep.

He wakes up with a start. He isn’t sure if it’s his movement or the sound of an enormous and calamitous crash that wakes him, but he wakes nonetheless. His body is sprawled across the desk, legs hanging over the side. Under him are remnants of part of a squashed matchbox. And lying on a small patch of his arm is a tiny, knitted patch, his blanket. 

“Ow.” He complains quietly, then forces himself up. 

It all looks so…  _ normal _ . 

“Sara!” he calls out, voice back to it’s usual lower pitch, “I’m back!”

Obi wanders lazily into the room and flinches at the sight of the man. He stares up at him, then glowers and walks away. 

“Obi? Hey man, come on!”

The next evening, Obi creeps up to him again. He liked the long legs man as a little legs man. Was fun and he easier to control that way. Long legs man’s voice is low and loud and he’s just so  _ long _ . But, tentatively, he sniffs at his lap, cautiously presses one paw to it, then another, then slinks on top and settles down. 

He  _ does  _ like long legs man’s lap, at least. He could live with this.

**Author's Note:**

> this was random but uh, shane wanted fanart of him being tiny so, since i can't draw, i present fanfic?? lol anyway hope you enjoyed it?! gonna probably post the start of my tinsworth fic soon?


End file.
